I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
