i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
