omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she told me i tasted like america
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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