Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
