i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
