But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
