So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
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Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
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You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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