i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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