it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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