I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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