I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
