Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
