I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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