So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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