come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
