i was born a porn star she said
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
