he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
