Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
