I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You ruined the universe
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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