Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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