Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize