pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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