I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize