Already got asked if we're dating
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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