Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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