I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
