did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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