Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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