i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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