Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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