Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
