VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
