I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
