I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
