I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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