Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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