Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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