I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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