So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
