New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
