Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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