I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
