So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
