His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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