Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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