I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
