Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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