Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
