i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
