we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
