When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
