im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
