Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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