you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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