somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
