She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
