I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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