You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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