The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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