Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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