I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
