I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
