I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
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I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
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So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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