Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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