just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
