So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Randomize