are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize